Today’s posting subject, dearest readers, is “Cult of the Cobra”, a subject I’ve been avoiding forever for the “Best Of / Worst Of” series. The reason? I remembered spending most of the actual review unable to keep our damned GI Joes straight because they were all so generic [outside Paul and Tom]. I was afraid that it was going to take me forever and a lot of concentration to figure out who deserves a kudo/demerit for what, when I had so much trouble keeping their character names in mind.
Turns out though, my worry was overblown. I mean, they cause the deaths of dozens of innocent worshippers just going about their rituals. It’ll be hard to find anything more heinous deserving a demerit beyond the group one they’ll all be getting, right? So, I actually made more out of it than I needed to and am really glad to have this one done and posted. Yay, me!
Although I do have to say I was extremely annoyed with myself while researching for this post. I found an absolutely appalling amount of typos, asides not being marked correctly, missing words in sentences…. I have no idea where my head was at while I was working on this review, but the condition I originally posted it in is embarrassing.
Our main characters going through this are: Lisa Moya (who from a certain viewpoint could be considered the tragic heroine of this film, considering our other contestants which is pretty much how I view her and why she’s listed here despite being a multiple murderer), Paul Able (who probably comes out the best of our GI Joes), Tom Markel (the guy I really wanted to like, but his behavior just gets more and more creeptastic the longer he’s on screen trying to be aww-shucks charming), Julia Thompson, Pete Norton (whom I couldn’t remember right now to save my life), Carl Turner (uh, yeah… he was uhhh…), and Rico Nardi (the bowling alley guy, right?).
Our Characters Show Us Their Best!
Lisa- Sorry Lisa. I actually accept that you’re justified in carrying out vengeance against the soldiers for what happened to your temple and fellow congregants. But, I just don’t feel right with issuing kudos for mass murder - not even under conditions that I’m actually agreeing with.
Paul- I can’t give Paul any individual kudos.
Tom- Tom saves Julia from the menacing cobra, even knowing that it must be Lisa. You have to give him a KUDO for that heartbreaking choice.
Julia- I’ve no kudos to give to Julia.
Pete- Pete gets a share of a group kudo for his military service, but that is all he gets.
Carl- Carl doesn’t receive his own kudo, but he does share in the group’s.
Rico- Oh, Rico. Despite the fact that you’ve gotten what you earned, I’m still going to put that aside. It’s clear that Rico very regularly gave donations to help those in his neighborhood less fortunate and that’s a swell thing to do. Half-KUDO
I feel that I must reward our misguided Lamia cult member Daru for at least trying to defend the stupid American GIs, despite what they’ve done. He pays the ultimate price and I’ll give him a Half-KUDO for trying.
I’m going to issue a group KUDO to our soldiers to share for doing their duty during WWII. I always respect a person in uniform’s service, until he/she does something to indicate they don’t deserve it. Rico is an exception, because of his individual award.
Our Characters- My God, The Suck!
Lisa: I’m going to give Lisa Moya a DEMERIT, not for the murders committed, because in a certain light, I do think her vengeance was justified. But, Julia has nothing to do with what happened to her fellow cultists and didn’t deserve to be menaced with death. It’s her targeting of Julia that I have to fault her for.
Paul: Paul doesn’t earn any demerits on his own, but he’s punished with the group for what they did.
Tom: Okay, so Tom is a special case here. Though he’s part of the group demerit and those actions were worse than anything he does alone, his part of that demerit would be smaller than the one I want to issue, so I’m giving him his own here. That isn’t to slight the group demerit though: he deserves ‘em both. Tom’s DEMERIT is for the way he treats Lisa after only just meeting her. His entire demeanor throughout the film is of a jealous stalker and despite her powers and purpose, there were moments when I was actually afraid for Lisa before I remembered this was a monster film, not a woman-in-peril flick. He is entirely scary and seemingly close to unhinged.
Julia: I’m not issuing any demerits to Julia.
Pete: Pete doesn’t receive his own demerit, but he does share in the group’s.
Carl: Ugh. Carl is the worst of these worst people. I want to demerit him for putting the obvious moves on Lisa, despite her being attached to one of this supposed good friends, but his part of the group demerit overrides this one. Just know that he was a scumbag.
Rico: I’ve no individual demerit to pass onto Rico, but he does share in the group demerit.
I’ve a DEMERIT to hand out to our resident member of the Cult [I’m sorry, what religion actually refers to themselves as a Cult?], Daru, for not only sneaking outsiders into his secret meeting that could get them all killed for a few bucks, but also for not at least being very, very careful about it. Like making sure that the intruders aren’t carrying a huge camera with a flashbulb that they’ll use to entirely blow their cover. Let’s just say that he’ll end up not having to worry about those money troubles he mentioned.
Nick Hommel is guilty for all of the death and destruction that will not only virtually wipe out this religious membership, but will also lead to the deaths of nearly all of our GIs in the coming hour. But he’s actually worse than the others as he’s the instigator for everything by being deeply clumsy and deeply stupid. Death doesn’t make one immune to the consequences of a DEMERIT and I so issue an individual one to Nick because his infractions go beyond the group demerit the others share in.
All of our GI characters receive a Group DEMERIT [except Tom Markel and Nick Hommel as explained above], for disrupting a sacred ceremony, causing a fire that no doubt killed dozens and never once feeling any guilt or regret over it… at all! They’re all hiding-in-plain-sight sociopaths (except perhaps Paul… maybe). I wish I had a special super demerit category now. They are the worst!
Jeeez: I’m also going to issue a DEMERIT to both the Command Base Doctor and the Commander of said base for their reactions to Nick’s untimely demise. It’s ridiculous. The doctor suggests a strange case of “smart snake targeting the same man twice” as an explanation to put forth for how Nick died unexpectedly of another dose of snake venom. The base commander doesn’t do anything except give the doctor a look like maybe he’s been in India too long. Neither of these men suggests that maybe NICK WAS MURDERED or suggests an investigation be carried out into his death by the military police. The hand wave is egregiously irresponsible.