I'm hoping to review Angel & Faith #11
Fall blues. Lonely. Life sucks. Blah-blah... go through it every year and it'll pass. Right now, just wanna sleep and sleep.
Annoyed that my DVR died and had to be replaced by DISH... which means that I've lost everything that I had saved! Piss!
Super-annoyed that my DVD-ROM suddenly decides to not work for no apparent reason. Grrrrrrr.
Annoyed that the latest episode of Supernatural was lost on the prior DVR before I could watch it and my attempts to watch it free online won't load on CW's site. Why? Just to irritate me? Probably.
Contractors are awful. You'd think they'd WANT to actually pursue work. Why is getting a written estimate so I can apply for the home improvement loan and get this shit done before the wall collapses like I'm asking the impossible? Just to irritate me? Probably.
Why can't I get my effing mind off of my effing ex, who moves back close by but doesn't bother to call me or anything when he does so. That does mean he isn't interested in keeping in touch, yes? Yes. Then why can't I just let this go and MOVE THE EFF ON? I suck. Also, not helping Fall Blues situation.
Can't get over weepy that ex's daughter killed in car wreck. Just... ugh. Not helping Fall Blues situation. Also, I feel like I should call ex and check in on how he is doing, except it seems obvious that the point of not telling me he was back in the area was because he doesn't want to hear from me. Calling him, seems to me, would make things more difficult since I can't share any comforting wisdom anyway; On the other hand -- I feel like a shit for not calling him. This feels like a "no right answer" situation, which I hate. Especially because it's very selfish... I feel that I've been a great friend to him when he's needed and deserve better than to be blown off like we weren't together for 12 years. Which isn't the point right now and shouldn't be the point at all because over is over and he is obviously dealing with a profound loss and he moved on. I suck in a supremely selfish way.
I don't want this life. It all seems like struggling too much for too little and feels relatively pointless. I'm pretty sure I've felt this way since I was 15 or so, but the Fall Blues is making it feel worse than it is. I know this will fade as well. DEEP BREATH... GET THROUGH IT. God, I HATE whiny, Fall Blues-me, so very much.
Was excited that spanderverse showed signs of life... now just feel... blahs. Too blah to write; too blah to think. Stupid Fall.
--end, for now--