"Bedroom Follies: Chapter 1 of Connorland"
Written: Bill Willingham, Art: Elena Casagrande, Coloring: Ilaria Traversi, Letters: Robbie Robbins
Cover: Jenny Frison
Blurb: Last episode[,] Angel was re-growing limbs that were dusted (what's up with that? Well apparently it's a time issue since The Fall) after James ripped them off. It turns out he's anything but a real "angel". In fact, he's just made a deal for ownership of the Earth and making it his own personal, creepy "thing" breeding ground. Angel and crew need to figure out what to do, and fast. Except Illyria is currently looking to do some breeding of her own and things are about to get really... weird.
Page 01: We open on The Hyperion, which the Angel crew has reclaimed as their headquarters. It is 'bedtime'.
Connor has a visitor in his room, and when he turns on a lamp, he sees it is Illyria. She has come to make good on her agreement with Angel to copulate with Connor. Although, he's a bit reticent (not to mention nonplussed) by this development.
Commentary: At first I thought this would be dawn, since our guys spend their nights patrolling, but no. Angel will later specify that it is night... which seems really weird and wrong, considering the nature of Angel Investigations' usual activities.
Page 02: We get a quick flashback to Angel's conversation with Connor about all of this. He actually told Connor about what Illyria wants and he told him that he promised her not to interfere in Connor's decision about this matter -- he didn't actually "give" him to her or anything.
In current time, Connor is trying to explain to Illyria that he isn't comfortable with her seemingly out of nowhere desire to procreate with him.
She's not really interested in his excuses to let her down easily.
Page 03: Illyria points out that she's observed his sexual interest in Fred's body (which is gross -- Fred died!) and that they don't have time to argue about his wish to engage in sex, since she's on a cycle.
Page 04: Down the hallway, Laura is recuperating from her broken arm and leg in her own room. Spike interrupts her reading by inviting himself in. She demands that he get out of her room, but he takes a seat instead, despite her wishes. She's pissed off when he doesn't.
Page 05: Laura keeps telling him it is entirely inappropriate for him to barge into her bedroom. He's there to discuss with her the nature of Prophecy, who gets chosen to fulfill them, and whether there is anyway to know that a Power who is handing out any such prophecy is who they say they are and that the prophecy in question is supposed to do what it says it will do.
Laura offers to discuss the matter with him, but at a more appropriate time and place. She emphasises this by throwing her cane at his head. This in no way impacts his blathering at her.
Page 06: Spike continues ignoring her entreaties to leave, despite her offer of a bribe in the form of giving him all the best assignments for the next week. He is hung up on who creates and administers Prophecies and who and how these things may be decided.
Page 07: We move to a warehouse somewhere in L.A., where we're with the Warrior-Women who now serve Connor. One of the women has stepped in on her leader's bath in order to enquire about a Great Challenge that they're currently engaged in, the first we're hearing about this.
We also find out what our warriors look like under the armor -- the short answer: Vulcans.
Page 08: We hear more about this Great Challenge, in which apparently serving/protecting Connor plays a significant role. There are also feats of strength, gladatorial combat, threat recognitician... and a talent competition. It's a more warrior-focuses Ms. America pageant.
This is all leading up to five challengers who will be involved in The Great Bloodletting, details of which are not shared with us at this time.
Commentary: I know, nary a comment up to this point. Alas, Illyria's comedic desire to f* doesn't hold any interest to me, beyond the squicking comment about dead-Fred's body and the lust it apparently engenders in everyone who sees it in fetish-leather.
The Warrior-Women though, who were entirely generic and not all that interesting before, are finally looking to have a greater arc going, so that is something. I like the copper-tone used for their eyes, that was a nice coloring choice.
Page 09: Back at the Hyperion, in Angel's room, Kate has invited herself in. Angel tells her it is okay, as he should probably get up to do some demon hunting for the night. Kate has apparently rejoined the LAPD because she explains she just go off shift and she has her badge back... which she now removes... along with her clothing.
Page 10: Kate brings up the UST between her and Angel and how she tired of it just simmering there unresolved. At first Angel is all, "this is wrong", but then he sees her cute bra and decides what the heck. He invites her in, by calling her "Honey Biscuit", for which he should have another part removed -- I'm thinking about his tongue, perverts.
So, clearly Angel and Kate are now riding the OOC Bus, caused by Illyria's mating hormone/psychic projection/horny-god influence thingie.
Page 11: Over in the beleagured Ms. Weathermill's room, Spike has now stripped down to his heart-boxers, exacerbating her annoyance and revulsion with his being in her room uninvited and unwelcomed.
For a minute. And then she's just telling him to remove the childish shorts and try not to hurt her any further during their attempts to get it on around her casts.
Page 12: Shot of the Hyperion, where Laura complains to William about her ripping her PJ bottoms instead of simply using more care and finesse. Connor is trying to put Illyria off by stating they should really talk about this a bit more. Angel and Kate agree they should have done the sexing ages ago.
We focus in on Angel and Kate, where she worries about his going all Angelus. He tells her chipperly not to worry, as despite the sex being great, it's hardly perfect. Kate manages to not be insulted and storm out.
Dez, who has now been affected by Illyria also, joins them. After nauseating cutey-names for one another, Kate and Angel agree to Dez' offer of a threeway.
Commentary: None of this, it should be stated, is in any way erotic or titillating. And I'm failing (other than for comedic effect, I'm guessing) to see why Illyria's hormones of horniness would cause Angel and Kate to get cutesy-gross. Ugh... it leaves me feeling a bit ill.
Page 13: Elsewhere in the Hyperion, Polyphemus joins Betta George in his room. Please, let's not have the fanfic.
Thankfully, the Ball of Convenient Know-It-All and the Telepathic-Floating-Amphibian-Fish are not impacted by Illyria's pheromones, and Polyphemus just decided to take this opportunity to speak with George, since they're going to be working closely with one another (at least until Angel moves over to Dark Horse).
Page 14: Back where the pornfest is originating, Connor states that he isn't ready to be a father. Illyria brings up his being father already, though to a world-dominating goddess, who he then killed/sent back to the yonder. Discussion of Jasmine just upsets Connor further about this whole mating thing.
Page 15: Connor tries to resist, but Illyria's attentions and his own raging-penis-of-need wears out his reluctance. Alas for his getting some, Illyria's desire to procreate has passed in two heartbeats, and she now no longer wishes to continue. Connor is left with a case of blues... wah-wah-waaahhhhh.
Page 16: Illyria assures Connor that they can try in a thousand years, when her next cycle will commence.
In Angel's room, Dez and Kate can't get out there quick enough. It is agreed that none of them will ever speak of this again.
In Laura's room, Spike is left wondering just what happened as he tells Laura she isn't exactly his cuppa. She also makes clear that she has zero interest in him either, and pissily determines there will be an investigation into this ridiculousness.
While back in Connor's room, he's a bit taken aback by Illyria's belief he'll be alive in a thousand years (barring getting killed in battle). She's being more thoughtful about the possibilities of non-productive, recreational sex - but he doesn't tickle her itch for that sort of activity.
Commentary: Which, really leaves me completely blank on what the point of this issue was. I thought that this was going to serve to hook Kate and Angel back up after their aborted flirting with a relationship in Angel S1. But, apparently not. Was this a piffle-issue? Because if that was the whole point, it failed to be a madcap, sex-comedy as it appears was the intention.
Page 17: Leaving the Hyperion, we join a Mr. Bradley Hubble. He isn't alone. Waiting for him in his room, is the Soul Eater cultivated by James/Myr.
She explains to the very unfortunate Brad that he has contacts with someplace she needs to get to, and he's going to help her out. He tells her there will be no such activity, but she explains his lack of choice. She assures him that after she consumes his soul, he'll be not but a thrall to her for a day. And, then he'll just wither away.
Page 18: She proceeds to drain Mr. Hubble, consuming his soul....
The Good: I suppose I can admit I was mildly amused at Spike and Laura's interaction.
I like the bit with Connor's Warrior-Women... mildly.
I appreciate the call back to Angel and Kate's history.
The Soul Eater is certainly a horrible creation.
The Bad: Nothing really.
Other Thoughts: Alas, Illyria's entire ... well, arc seems much too generous a word... was pointless. The whole issue was basically point-free.
The Score: Blah.
2.75 out of 5
next up is Eddie Hope's tale in issue 34