August 7th, 2021

Freighter Watch

Hello, my Loves... so much time has passed.

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Chriminy-Sticks. I know, I know... I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place that many of you will not grasp, and many of you will sympathize with.

I've not liked what has been happening with LiveJournal. I'm not comfortable with LJ shifting more and more [OKAY IT SEEMS TO ME] to Russia's dominance. I do believe that LJ would like to divorce itself from their ownership, but this feels like a Russian takeover of a website which had a large American buy-in... I only recently got the notice (read: 'recently is relative', and being older, time has been flying by crazily) that renewal rates would be converted to rubles, which confirms this is now a Russian company. Normally, this wouldn't make one whit of difference (say if this was GB and converting to pound sterling), but with Putin being such a USSR/KGB throwback, I am extremely concerned that my participation is actually harming my nation-since-birth in some way. I wouldn't suggest I'm of the flag-waving/close-eyes-type patriot, but I AM American. I simply don't trust the alleged new Russia while it is being strong armed by a former Soviet Union muscleman and master spy. I don't trust that LJ will be able to stand up to Russian-state demands to share American account information or to have the honor and ability to protect me against the state-sponsered Hackers that are targeting US assets.

I have been investigating moving my LJ account to a new service based in either the USA or Canada, but I'm not tech savvy [ironic since I work in IS, but I'm involved in user accts, not the tech side of things], which has left me in a position of being paralyzed about what to do if I don't want to provide my updated payment information to a company who is going to convert it to rubles. Simply put, I don't trust Putin to respect me as an American (I don't think this is paranoia), or to respect companies who are moving more and more of their operations to Russia [especially since I can't be confident that my account won't be used nefariously by our Opposition - despite its overall non-political nature, I could be hacked and used to spread cyber-attacks to anyone who visits my site, if the G.U. or god-knows which other Russian government group is targeting Americans].

This is why I've not been posting, even when I'm in the mood to do so. I'm extremely worried about being Un-American (though I'm not blind to our own tarnished image, jeeezus - we elected a piece of shit/conman like Donald Trump and too many Americans are dumb asses supporting his authoritarian aspirations, including the deluded GOP leadership who continue to believe they can control and use his followers for their own power, despite clear evidence that DJT has proven he only gives one shit about himself -- and I live in a red county, so I know of what I'm opining on, alas).

Anyway, the point is that I'm stuck with inaction, which is definitely the worst place to be. I should either pull the trigger and provide my renewal information, instead of letting my subscription expire without providing an update to my payment details, OR I should bite the bullet and start the process of migration, even through my terror of not having everything going easily [and it won't because this is my life -- THE LORD -- whatever, and whoever ITS nature, seems to revel in making me suffer from day to day in ridiculous, petty ways -- I'm presuming that this is a retread of a life past and I'm forced to pay for former sins as I grow toward wiping the slate to even -- it'd help if i knew what I was paying for, but I'm accepting that ignorance is a part of the parcel -- and even more bizarre? I'm not even religious..., which tells me that religion is ultimately about comfort to the mortal, and doesn't mean a damned thing to the cosmos]. I do want to continue my reviews of Supernatural, Buffy, etc. that I was working on before my more-than-extended-hiatus, but I am actually experiencing real, physical anxiety when I start to think about what I need to do to relocate digitally to a new platform. [I didn't used to suffer this, but now - the older I get, the more social anxiety about anything that I have to deal with... my actual fantasy involves being a recluse -- off in the wilderness with only minimal contact with actual people. I have theories about why I've become this, but it would take psychotherapy I can't afford (and probably wouldn't engage in honestly to resolve) to really drill down and maybe treat it.]

Everything sucks in this realm.

Yes. I know. This is a pathetic post. The older I get, the more I want to withdraw from interaction with the real world and exist completely cut off from having to deal with 'out there'. I don't know how I got this way, but here is where I'm finding myself.

The real question remains. Will I pay LJ? Will I try to migrate to another platform before my current acct expires? Will I simply disappear from an online space? I'm shouting "Fuck Me!" to the universe, but this somehow has failed to take the decision out of my hands. G'd Dammit.


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